Autumn has arrived, and social media is buzzing with back-to-school snaps—kids squeezed into oversized blazers and brand-new shiny shoes, standing proudly on their doorsteps.
Across various school WhatsApp groups, parents are exchanging congratulations for surviving rainy weeks in Devon, juggling holiday homework, and battling multiple bouts of norovirus.
The general mood is one of collective relief and camaraderie: “We made it!”
The New Status Symbol: Parenthood
These days, there’s a new reason for some parents to feel a bit smug: birth rates are dropping sharply across the Western world.
A recent study published in The Lancet warns of “staggering social change” as a result of this trend.
In this context, having children is increasingly seen not just as a personal choice but as an act of national service.
The rhetoric around parenthood suggests that having kids is a patriotic duty in the face of a demographic crisis.
Political Praise and Criticism
As birth rates plummet, politicians worldwide are showering praise on those who choose to have children.
Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni has declared that motherhood should be “the ultimate aspiration” for women.
Meanwhile, in a nod to Stalin-era policies, Putin has reintroduced rewards for women who have multiple children, offering a substantial cash prize for having ten.
However, this praise for child-bearers often comes with criticism of those who choose not to have children.
During a recent visit to Indonesia, Pope Francis lamented that unlike in Indonesia, where people typically have several children, some in the West prefer pets over kids.
Last year, he also criticized Italians for prioritizing pets over children, despite not having any himself.
In the U.S., Donald Trump’s former Vice President pick, J.D. Vance, has taken aim at “childless cat ladies,” arguing that their choice to enjoy pets instead of having children is a disservice to society.
The Reality of Parenthood vs. Child-Free Living
As a mother of four, I’m expected to align with these pro-parenthood sentiments and look down on those without children who prioritize things like travel and luxury cars.
However, I find this perspective flawed.
Parenthood might make you more focused on your own family’s needs, but it doesn’t automatically make you selfless.
Before I had children, I was deeply concerned with national issues and actively volunteered my time.
Now, much of my mental energy is consumed by everyday tasks like packing lunchboxes.
My volunteer work has been replaced by responsibilities at home. This shift is natural but not particularly heroic.
The Real Heroes: The Child-Free
An incident recently highlighted this shift.
While pushing a double buggy along a busy street, I witnessed a cyclist get injured.
In the past, I would have been the first to offer help.
But with my focus on getting home for dinner, I opted to continue on my way, leaving the assistance to others.
Motherhood has undeniably consumed a lot of my energy, making it hard to contribute as much to society as I once did.
Many parents, deeply entrenched in raising their children, might not have the time or energy to engage in community service.
So, who steps in when parents are preoccupied with family responsibilities?
Often, it’s the child-free individuals who play a significant role in libraries, charity shops, food banks, and other community services.
They also frequently take on the important task of caring for elderly relatives, as was the case with my great aunt, who was supported by two dedicated child-free men.
Embracing the Balance
The dichotomy between parents and the child-free is a false one.
Society needs people to raise children and also relies on those who don’t have kids to contribute in other meaningful ways.
While parents are celebrated for their role, the child-free also provide invaluable support through countless acts of kindness and service.
Their contributions may not always make headlines, but they are just as essential to the fabric of our society.
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