First impressions of Gabe Jenkinson, whom I meet to hear about his experience with a dating coach, are not encouraging. He is much too gorgeous to need help in the love department. It comes as a surprise to me that he has spent £650 on London-based relationship coach Minnie Lane. When he relocates to the nation’s capital later this year, he wants to continue his meetings with Lane at a cost of £275 per hour.
Jenkinson, 36, tells me he hired a dating coach to break certain “troubling patterns” that were preventing him from finding romantic success. He is one of many single men in London who have turned to dating coaches for advice. For these services, they are forking up hundreds, if not tens of thousands of dollars.
Many of the clients of these so-called “dating coaches for the elite,” including Jenkinson, are looking to create a long-term commitment, thus seduction is only one aspect of the process. He says he decided to hire Lane because he is unable to turn dates into a full-fledged relationship, not because he has trouble attracting women. My success rate on first dates was high. On our first date, I felt like I had reached my full potential. ‘Oh, there’s nowhere to go but down now,'” the 36-year-old says.
“My dating history is extremely brief,” Jenkinson continues. Never have I been in a committed relationship,” she said. He explains, “The problem wasn’t that I had a hard time making friends or that ladies didn’t find me attractive. But physical attraction is just the beginning; dating and relationships require a lot more work than that.
Minnie Lane, dating expert, has been advising men for 16 years.
Many contemporary singles might relate to Jenkinson’s lack of self-assurance in the dating scene. A “people pleaser” who tried to win over everyone he worked with, he says of his time with Lane, “If I liked the other person, I would try to act in a way that I thought would ensure that they liked me.” I didn’t think someone could love me just as I am.There was a lot of pressure on me because I felt like I had to put on a show.
According to Jenkinson, these emotions inevitably lead to self-sabotage during the courtship’s formative stages. To put it another way, “I would shoot myself down before they [my dates] got the chance,” he says.
Lane had Jenkinson conduct exercises during their virtual meetings that were meant to disrupt this tendency. Jenkinson had to write a stream-of-consciousness about how his life in a year would be different if
He was in a fulfilling relationship.And it appears to have aided him in beginning the process of mental transformation. By contrast, “if I have an image in my head that is positive and something that I would actually want, it is easier to believe in it and do things that would make it happen,” Jenkinson explained, referring to the power of focusing on the positive rather than the negative.
This is in part because I desire a family of my own someday. I think it’s reasonable for someone who desires a relationship to invest in getting some assistance.
Jenkinson is still not in a relationship five months after beginning his coaching, but he is scheduling more sessions in an effort to make the transition from dating in his hometown of Toronto to dating in London as seamless as possible. The dating scene will be completely different, and so will the people you meet. We’ll discuss what did and didn’t work over the first six sessions, which served as a sort of preparatory school. I was able to identify and disrupt certain habits with the help of the tools I was given in those early sessions,” he adds.
The total cost of Jenkinson’s sessions with Lane will exceed £1,000. Is he satisfied that the money was well spent? ”If it’s for something I really want, then yeah,” he replies. Part of the reason I did this is because I desire a family. I think it’s worth it if someone wants a relationship but is having trouble overcoming an obstacle.
Gabe Jenkinson believes that the investment he made in a dating coach was worthwhile.
For those happy to invest even more extensively on their romantic life, Johnny Cassell is the name to know. One session with him costs £1,000, while his “advanced package” of tutoring once a week for six months costs £24,000.His clientele are free to ask him anything romantic at any moment.
For the past 15 years, Cassell has worked as a dating coach, and he claims to have assisted well over a thousand guys. He doesn’t mean to imply that he’ll help them find a new sexual partner. His wisecrack sums it up best: “Let’s be honest, there are cheaper ways to go out and get laid.” His customers, like Jenkinson, are interested in changing their approach to dating.
The 28-year-old trader David Harper* has been employing Cassell’s services since November, and has paid him a total of about £20,000 thus far.It all started when he relocated to London from Swansea a year ago and found it difficult to make female friends.
Since my lack of a romantic connection was weighing heavily on my mind, I reasoned that this was a cost worth incurring.
Harper sought assistance from others in part because she needed to build her self-esteem and partly because she needed help locating people for dates. It’s because “I’ve never been comfortable with meeting new people and putting myself out there,” he says. I couldn’t say that it was something I was doing effortlessly. I didn’t have any friends here and I do most of my work from home.
Harper “raised eyebrows” among his acquaintances after disclosing the price of his internet romance with Cassell, but he says the connection was worth it. According to Harper, “not achieving this [a relationship] was mentally holding me back and affecting me,” therefore she believed it was an investment worth making.
Harper, like Jenkinson, had a hard time seeing dating to be mutually beneficial. The 28-year-old’s experience can be summarized as follows: “You go out and meet people and you are trying to sell yourself to them and hope that they like you,” but “Johnny reframed it to explain that I was also vetting people to see if they were what I was looking for,” she adds.
To help him go into dating with more clarity, the therapist had him make a list of everything he wanted in a spouse during an early session. Then, after working together for a while, Cassell conducted what he terms “an apartment audit” at Jenkinson’s house.
Over a thousand men, Cassell claims, have benefited from his dating and life advice.
Cassell, Johnny
In the words of the mentor, “Your apartment is an extension of who you are, and that’s a thing that guys miss.” When he goes to a client’s property, he sniffs the air and wonders, “What does it smell like? Do the walls feature any artwork? Is it neat and orderly? Is it suitable for hosting events? Have you have a good stereo system? Is it romantic enough?
As part of his plan to add a “feminine touch” to Harper’s apartment, Johnny suggested she get rid of excess furniture and make the place smell nicer. I told him about incense and scented candles since “there just wasn’t a smell in the house,” Cassell explains.
Harper found a girlfriend in the first four weeks on the job at Cassell, and they just moved in together a month ago. Harper, who has never been in a relationship before, attributes the success of his current one to the advice he received from Cassell. I’ve learned to show the world the genuine myself without worrying about what others may think. The two went on a date, and he says, “Cassell helped me improve by taking the lead and being more assertive about when and where we are going on a date.”
Harper has already accomplished his first goal, but he continues to work as a life coach for Cassell.
Over time, I’ve developed the confidence to show the world my true self without worrying about what others would think.
Cassell claims he is “a dating and lifestyle strategist” despite the fact that many people come to him for advice on their personal lives. He has helped Harper in several ways, including advising her on family dynamics, time management, and introducing her to influential Londoners. Whenever Cassell needs something, “I give him access to my rolodex and anything that I don’t have access to, I’ll go out to get,” he says.
For the right money, Cassell will fulfill any request from a client.
To help his clients “open their eyes and actually see the world,” Cassell has provided them with certain experiences that money can’t buy. He informs me that the fact that they have fascinating anecdotes to talk about on their dates is merely a bonus. His recollection of one such incident is reminiscent of a scene from the Will Smith film Hitch. He flew Harper and other customers to India for supper with the Dalai Lama.
We traveled to Dharamshala, a town in the Himalayan foothills known for its Buddhist monks and Tibetan flag-draped trees. It’s the home of the Dalai Lama, as I recall,” Cassell said. A total of three times he uses the word “phenomenal” to describe the trip, and he says, “These are the things that we should be doing rather than just sitting around having our lazy European holidays.”
James Michaels’s experience with a dating coach was more ordinary but as fruitful.When the electrician’s marriage fell apart at age 40, he sought solace in Kezia Noble. After a long-term commitment, he claims he was at a loss as to how to approach the world of dating applications.
I would gladly pay for interview preparation help if it meant getting a great job. For me, this was standard procedure.
“Dating in my thirties was very different from dating in my twenties,” Michaels reflects.When I first started dating again after getting divorced, I relied on bars and clubs to meet women.All the cool kids were on Tinder, Hinge, or Bumble. Further, I found it unappealing. The individual just wasn’t who they had seemed to be on the app, and you wasted a lot of time talking to them before you went on a date with them.
Michaels paid £300 for a one-day bootcamp in London and found it so beneficial that he enrolled in Kezia’s week-long training for £3,000.It’s a lot of money, but the 40-year-old believes it’s worth it to set herself up for dating success. He says, “If I were going for a really good job, I would happily pay someone for some coaching on how to pass that interview.” Nothing about this experience was unusual for me.
Kezia Noble conducts a weeklong training that James Michaels says helped him locate a long-term spouse.
Michaels valued the service because it would teach him to be successful in offline dating. He claims his training consisted of 12-hour days spent traveling about London with ten trainers, listening to motivational speeches, chatting up women (respectfully, he stresses), and receiving advice on how to further develop his skills in these areas.”If it was during the day, we’d go to bookshops and cafes, and if it was in the evenings, we’d go to bars,” he says.
Michaels explains that the service was quite comprehensive. You “covered all sorts of things,” the author writes, “from working out what you want to find in a prospective partner to how to meet those kinds of people, how to get chatting, how to keep a conversation going, to what is a good place to take someone on a date, and how to dress.”
Dating being what it is, his success rate was certain to be variable. In the words of my trainer: “The trainer would tell me to go up and say hello to a woman and see what happens, and sometimes there’d be no interest and sometimes you’d get into a nice conversation.” Michaels counters that they weren’t aiming for universal appeal since they were more concerned with “building up social confidence.”
Michaels may not have gotten a girlfriend right away after taking the course, but he hasn’t felt the need to use dating apps since. For many single people, that’s worth the £3,000 price tag.
Following the implementation of his teachings, Michaels is now two years into a fulfilling relationship. He met his future wife on vacation in Mallorca, and he attributes his success to the guidance he received from Kezia. Sober, during the middle of the day, he was able to approach a woman despite the fact that “it’s a pretty terrifying prospect for most men [to approach a woman] unless they’ve got some alcohol inside them,” he says.They settled in Almeria, Spain, as a married couple.
Is Michaels in favor of other men hiring a relationship coach? The electrician has given his enthusiastic approval. He claims that people will pay for anything from a gym membership and personal trainers to life coaches. Indeed, why not have a relationship coach? “Being with the wrong person may really pull you down, while being with the right one can lift you up.It’s crucial that you nail this one.
There have been some name changes.
Dating advice from expert Kezia Noble.
In search of a dating coach’s perspective? Here are five dating pointers from Noble for Londoners.
First, don’t rely solely on dating apps; they should be used in addition to your other strategies for establishing human connection. While dating apps are a great way to expand your social circle, you shouldn’t rely on them exclusively, especially in a city like London where you’re bound to run into someone intriguing just about anywhere you go.
Second, if you’re having trouble starting conversations with strangers, don’t assume that you can only do so in a bar or club. Conversation starters abound in places like art galleries, museums, coffee shop lines, and even a sunny summer park.
3. Never appear to be in need. Insufficiency kills romance. It’s great to demonstrate your enthusiasm, but if the other person senses that you’re trying too hard to satisfy them or changing your views to conform to theirs, you’ll come out as indecisive and weak. It reveals a lack of confidence and implies that you are limited in your dating alternatives.
4. Be specific and unique when giving compliments. If your praises are too generic or too often, your date may begin to assume that you are just regurgitating the same lines for each of your dates. Choose an aspect of them that you believe gets overlooked.
Avoid dominating discussions with only one person. A common social faux pas is to focus too much on oneself or the other person by way of inquiries or conversation. Maintain parity in sharing of information. You shouldn’t make them feel like they’re being quizzed, but you also shouldn’t talk at them the whole time.