“We all feel it sometimes. That clench of the jaw or roll of the eyes when our spouse loads the dishwasher badly or fails to take out the bins.”
Research Findings:
“But have scientists now proved that women in long relationships do it more often than men? A study published in the Journal of the Association for Psychological Science in January revealed that wives fall out of love more quickly than husbands.”
Love Frequency Disparities:
“When they asked volunteers to report their feelings every 30 minutes for ten days, researchers discovered that women in marriages of longer than three years felt love for their other half 55 per cent less frequently than those in newer relationships.”
Domestic Responsibilities Impact:
“The equivalent figure for men? Just nine per cent. The reason probably isn’t rocket science.
The study also found that women in longer partnerships spent more time doing chores and cooking, while men were found to spend more time relaxing and sleeping or napping.”
Insights from Public Figures:
“Indeed, as Prime Minister Rishi Sunak and his wife Akshata Murty so amply demonstrated last week in a joint interview for Grazia magazine, nothing provokes disagreement in a relationship quite so much as the domestic load — though, in their case, the flashes of real irritation came from him, not her.”
Personal Experiment:
“We decided to try the research experiment ourselves.”
Candid Diaries:
“We asked two top writers and their husbands to record their feelings towards each other in a diary at regular intervals over a week.”
Insightful Extracts:
“What emerged was a fascinating insight into married life and the division of labour — the role each sex takes, the way they communicate (or fail to) and the love they feel (or don’t!) for each other as a result. All is laid bare in these compelling extracts…”
Julie Cook’s Perspective:
“Julie Cook says:”
Monday Afternoon Resentment:
“It’s 1.30pm and I’m making a pasta Alfredo bake when it hits me. A huge wave of resentment…”
Monday Evening: The R-word Again:
“When I get in from the school run, I reheat the Alfredo I’ve made and serve it up. Cornel swans in and sits at the table, meal placed before him…”
Tuesday Morning Love:
“Next morning when I wake at 6am, I roll over and hug him. Yes, when I first wake up, as we snuggle, everything feels happier…”
Wednesday Early Hours Intense Irritation/Fury:
“I am woken by a strange noise. It sounds like a crow. I sit bolt upright in bed, and prod Cornel next to me. Nothing. He’s out of it…”
Wednesday Morning Love:
“We drop the children at school, then travel to London to see my sister, who has had her first baby…”
Thursday Evening Exasperation:
“Adriana has to make a volcano for a school project. I huff and puff, but Cornel washes his hands of it…”
Saturday Morning Calm:
“Cornel is working both days this weekend, which means I’m at home doing the laundry, taking the children to clubs, washing up, cooking…”
Cornel’s Perspective:
“Cornel says:”
Inge Van Lotringen’s Perspective:
“Inge Van Lotringen says:”
Saturday Morning Companionable:
“Justin and I met when I entered a competition to be a ‘VJ’ at the music channel MTV. He was a director there and picked me as a winner…”
Saturday Afternoon Angry:
“Justin has suggested a pricey investment. It’s with a friend and in safe hands, but spending money freaks me out…”
Sunday Morning Exasperated:
“Barely slept as usual. Hungover from a night spent with a friend. Worried about my ailing mum, who’s 89 and has dementia…”
Sunday Afternoon Guilty:
“Whether we’re happier than parent friends I can’t say — but I know the past three decades have been ones of contentment…”
Monday Morning Irritated:
“The other bone of contention is mental space. As a writer, I’m constantly in my head, and can’t abide distraction…”
Monday Evening Loving:
“I cook this evening (normally he’s the designated chef), and though he is unimpressed with my sloppy plating (‘have you chopped this with a power drill?’) and lack of mood setting (he goes round the flat turning on lamps and Jazz FM)…”
Conclusion:
“We decide we couldn’t live without each other. Which is the truth. If I could only relax, our life would be like a permanent holiday.”
Justin’s Perspective:
“Justin says:”
Insights into Relationship Dynamics:
“Inge is generally in a mild state of panic 24 hours a day, only broken by a run, cat videos, hot chocolates, and Prince played at maximum volume…”
Money Matters and Resentment:
“On Saturday afternoon, I definitely felt tense. It’s difficult to like her much when the subject of money comes up…”
Coping with Stress:
“At the end of the day, I couldn’t live without her. Like something out of a country tune, I’m still madly in…”
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