Before you judge me, please understand — becoming the other woman was never part of my plan.

I was young, living my best life, and having fun when things took a surprising turn.

Moving from Australia to London in my early 20s was everything I’d hoped for.

I felt free, independent, and was out with friends almost every weekend.

But one night at a buzzing Soho bar, I locked eyes with Oliver*, a man in a sharp suit whose charm was irresistible.

The Beginning of Something Electric

We hit it off instantly — the kind of chemistry you see in movies.

He was smooth, and I was swept away by his attention.

What started as playful flirting ended with us in bed hours later, and from that moment, I was hooked.

In the weeks that followed, it felt like a dream.

Romantic texts, perfect dates, and incredible chemistry made me believe I’d finally found “the one.”

I told my friends confidently that I was head over heels.

The Truth Unfolds

But reality hit fast. One evening, after a cozy dinner at his townhouse, I noticed a baby blue high chair in the corner of the room.

My heart stopped.

I managed to ask, “Are you married?” His face fell, but he didn’t lie.

He admitted he’d been married for five years, with a wife and toddler living at their other home.

He told me the spark in his marriage was gone and that meeting me had brought it back to life.

He said he loved me but couldn’t leave his family.

Caught in the Middle

I should have walked away then.

I should have been angry and told him—and myself—that none of us deserved this.

But I was already in too deep.

Knowing the truth made me complicit, and strangely, the secret affair added a rush of excitement.

I knew when he was with me, his wife thought he was working late.

Weekend getaways were always “business trips.”

He even booked hotels and paid with his work credit card, sometimes leaving gifts like designer bags or diamond jewelry for me.

The Art of Keeping Secrets

Oliver was paranoid about being caught.

He only messaged me through encrypted apps like Telegram.

We never took pictures together, never posted on social media while seeing each other, and always hid receipts.

He’d spray cologne to mask my perfume before going home, and we made sure location tracking on our phones was off.

London felt huge but also very small when you’re sneaking around like that.

Loving Someone Who Can’t Love You Fully

Despite all this, I was in love.

I hoped he’d leave his wife someday, even though he said he never would.

I accepted being his “second wife” in secret, believing that maybe one day things would change.

For six years, we kept this complicated dance going.

I had other relationships, but none knew about Oliver.

It was thrilling and draining, and sometimes I wondered if this situation brought out the worst in me.

Saying Goodbye but Not Letting Go

Eventually, I moved back to Australia.

By then, I’d accepted he wasn’t going to leave his family.

But I couldn’t let go completely — we stayed in touch, meeting several times over the years.

Two years ago, he flew me business class to Istanbul for a secret trip.

Last summer, he told me in London that his marriage was over.

I wasn’t surprised.

I’d moved on, but I still wondered what could’ve been if things had ended sooner.

Even now, we occasionally talk, but I won’t go back to him.

No regrets, just lessons learned.

Advice for Anyone in My Shoes

If you’re the other woman, don’t blame yourself.

You’re probably not the problem.

But know when it’s time to walk away — for your own peace and self-respect.

Signs You Might Be the Other Woman

Dating expert Dr. Lurve shares clues that could mean you’re in a hidden relationship:

He never invites you to family or social events, keeping you as his secret escape.
He’s unusually private about your relationship and avoids online posts or introductions.
His schedule makes him unavailable on nights, weekends, or holidays.
Big promises about the future never materialize.
His emotions swing wildly — hot and cold without explanation.
You’ve never met any of his friends or family.
You don’t know much about his personal life beyond surface-level chats.
Basic questions about his plans make him uncomfortable.
Love feels conditional — only given when it suits him.
You don’t appear on his social media despite his online presence.
Plans with you frequently get canceled at the last minute.
Your gut keeps warning you something isn’t right.

If these signs sound familiar, it might be time to rethink your situation and put yourself first.