It starts with something small—a guy suddenly recommending a matcha latte spot, putting Clairo on the aux, or showing up in a slouchy jumper with a tote bag full of books by Sylvia Plath or Michelle Obama.
At first glance, it feels thoughtful, maybe even refreshing.
But on TikTok, women are pointing out that these little shifts may not be so genuine after all.
Welcome to the rise of the so-called “performative male”—a social media trend where men are accused of adopting interests and aesthetics associated with women, not because they truly enjoy them, but to gain attention or romantic credibility.
The Red Flags of the “Performative Male”
According to women online, certain telltale signs give it away. These include:
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Wired earphones instead of sleek wireless ones
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Oversized jumpers and baggy jeans
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The ever-present tote bag—preferably stuffed with feminist books
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Collectible toys like the now-coveted Labubu figurines from Hong Kong-based company Pop Mart
And of course, no performance is complete without a carefully chosen iced matcha latte, pastel green and picture-perfect for the café setting.
TikTok Takes on the Trend
The “performative male” has become TikTok’s latest comedy stage.
Hundreds of clips show men poking fun at themselves by embodying the aesthetic: floppy-haired, beanie-wearing, sipping on iced drinks while flipping through The Bell Jar.
One user, @sgwoo_, jokingly dubbed himself the “final boss” of the trend, parading down the street with tattoos, a mullet, and a vintage tee while pretending to read.
Another, @charliefriedrich_, filmed his “performative male journey” by showcasing a pair of Y2K-inspired trousers.
Others accessorized with plush toys and stuffed animals, turning irony into performance art.
The Aesthetic Checklist
What makes a “performative male” instantly recognizable is the collection of accessories and tastes they adopt.
Some of the most common include:
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Matcha lattes (iced, of course)
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Labubu collectibles dangling from belt loops
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Tote bags featuring feminist or literary classics
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Sad-girl playlists—Clairo, beabadoobee, Lana Del Rey, and Laufey top the charts
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Digital cameras for a “retro” touch
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Film buffs’ knowledge of Sofia Coppola’s work
All of these elements are strongly linked to women’s cultural preferences—leading critics to argue that men are borrowing them in an attempt to seem more appealing.
A Joke—or Something Deeper?
At first, the trend seemed lighthearted, with online “performative male contests” popping up everywhere from Jakarta to Dublin.
But experts suggest there may be something more meaningful behind the satire.
Dr. Ashley Morgan, a masculinity researcher at Cardiff Metropolitan University, explained that the trend reflects how men are searching for new ways to express identity as traditional gender roles fade.
“Performance,” she said, “offers men a way to experiment with different scripts of masculinity in public.”
Still, she warned that it can backfire—especially if it feels forced.
Much like the “trad wife” movement, which sees women adopting hyper-stylized traditional femininity, the “performative male” could risk reducing masculinity to another curated display.
The Dating Dilemma
Dating experts say the issue gets even more complicated when romance enters the mix.
Vicki Pavitt told The Independent that when men mirror women’s tastes too closely, it can feel unsettling.
“Whether it’s matcha lattes, feminist literature, or niche accessories, it risks coming off as performative rather than authentic,” she explained.
But Pavitt also added a word of caution: dismissing these efforts too quickly might close off genuine connections.
If a man really does love Clairo or Michelle Obama’s Becoming, maybe he deserves the benefit of the doubt.
What’s Next?
The “performative male” may have started as a TikTok joke, but it’s fast becoming a wider cultural conversation about authenticity, gender roles, and attraction.
Whether it’s a trend that fades with the next viral sound or one that reshapes how men express themselves publicly, one thing is certain: iced matcha lattes and tote bags aren’t going anywhere.
