I’m 36 and have been married for five years. In the early days, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other.
But lately, our sex life has pretty much disappeared.
I’ll admit, I let myself slide a bit over the last couple of months.
But I’ve been trying to rekindle things—bought new lingerie, suggested watching his favorite porn together—yet he just shrugs and says he’s “not in the mood.”
When I pressed him, he insisted it wasn’t me—it’s just that he doesn’t feel like having sex anymore. I was floored.
How do you stay married when intimacy disappears? Am I supposed to accept a lifetime of celibacy, or is there a way to bring the spark back even if he seems uninterested?
Bedroom Flatline
Why Attraction Can Slip Away
Here’s something that might sound controversial, but bear with me: when was the last time you really focused on keeping yourself physically appealing—not just for him, but for yourself?
I ask because I recently saw a couple I know, and the husband reached over to touch his wife’s leg… then froze in horror.
His reaction? “Babe! When was the last time you shaved your legs? It’s like stroking a gorilla!”
She laughed it off: “What’s the point? You married me, no need to try anymore!” Funny, yes—but it stuck with me.
Attraction doesn’t just vanish; it fades when partners stop putting in effort.
Just as we expect men to shower, brush their teeth, and wear clean clothes, we need to keep showing up too.
Otherwise, you end up as roommates, not lovers.
Could There Be a Deeper Issue?
You’ve clearly made some changes recently, which is a great start.
But his complete lack of interest might indicate something deeper—stress, low libido, or even a medical issue he hasn’t mentioned.
Men’s sexual desire isn’t an “on” switch; it’s influenced by mental and physical health.
He might not be initiating because he struggles with erections, confidence, or age-related changes.
The solution requires more than sexy lingerie—you need an honest conversation, and possibly a doctor or couples’ therapist.
All is not lost. Many couples reignite their spark after a dry spell, but it starts with that awkward, honest conversation.
Surviving the Sting of a Break-Up
Dear Jana,
I broke up with my ex six months ago and thought I was handling it fine—until I saw his new girlfriend.
She’s younger, hotter, and every time I scroll through her Instagram, I feel replaced.
My friends tell me to block her, but I can’t stop checking. It’s wrecking my confidence and making me question everything about myself.
How do I stop constantly comparing myself when it feels like he’s “upgraded”?
Shattered
Focus on Your Own Race
Here’s a quote I love: “When thoroughbreds run, they wear blinders to keep their eyes straight ahead.
No distractions, no other horses. Just run your own race.”
Stop snooping on her Instagram. Every glance hurts you and slows your healing.
Social media is smoke and mirrors—don’t measure your worth by what looks perfect online.
Now is the time to embrace singledom and rebuild your self-esteem. The best way? Get busy.
Pour yourself into a hobby, a sport, or something creative. Even mundane tasks like deep-cleaning your apartment can silence that overthinking voice in your head.
Once your energy is focused on your life—friends, work, passions—your ex’s new girlfriend will lose her power over you. You’ll be fine.
Setting Boundaries with Toxic Friends
Dear Jana,
My closest friend of over ten years has been sleeping with a married man—her boss—for the past year.
She claims she’s in love, but he won’t leave his wife. She even brags about sneaking away to see him, and insults his wife behind her back.
I’ve told her I don’t condone cheating and that she should leave him if she loves him that much.
She accuses me of judging her and keeps dragging me into her toxic drama. I dread seeing her now. How do I set boundaries without destroying the friendship?
Guilty Bystander
Protecting Yourself While Maintaining Friendship
Honestly? The only thing worse than a mistress is a boastful one.
Her delusions of romance are temporary; the truth always surfaces.
You’ve already lost respect for her, and that’s a warning sign.
Friendships survive differences in taste or politics, but struggle when core values clash.
Here’s how to set boundaries: say, “I love you, but I can’t hear about this anymore.
It makes me uncomfortable.” Simple, firm, non-negotiable.
Whether the friendship survives depends on her respect for your line.
Some friendships last a lifetime, others fade when your values diverge. It’s okay to step back without guilt—it’s not being a bad friend; it’s knowing where your morals lie.