If you’ve ever noticed your partner constantly losing their keys, drifting off mid-conversation, or making impulsive decisions, it might not just be absent-mindedness—it could be undiagnosed ADHD.
These quirky, sometimes frustrating traits could be signs of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, a condition affecting concentration, impulse control, and activity levels.
ADHD affects around 2.6 million people in the UK, and experts say the number is rising as more adults recognise these patterns in themselves and seek a formal diagnosis.
Unfortunately, diagnostic services are struggling to keep up.
Recent figures revealed that over half a million people in England are currently waiting for assessments, with hundreds of thousands on lists for more than a year.
Understanding ADHD in Adults
Selina Warlow, a clinical psychologist and founder of The Nook Clinic, told the Daily Mail that partners often notice ADHD traits first.
She explained that while dating someone with ADHD can be “really exciting,” with creativity and spontaneity adding spark to relationships, the condition can also bring challenges.
Impulsivity, forgetfulness, mood swings, and difficulty focusing can create tension at home.
ADHD was long thought to primarily affect boys, but increasing numbers of women are now being diagnosed later in life.
Men, too, can be diagnosed at any age. Singer Annie Lennox, for example, revealed last month that she received her diagnosis at 70, saying it helped her understand herself better.
Nine Common Signs Your Partner Might Have ADHD
Dr Warlow highlights nine typical symptoms partners might notice:
1. Forgetfulness
ADHD often shows up as consistent forgetfulness, like losing items, forgetting appointments, or missing things you’ve told them repeatedly.
2. Easily Distracted
A partner with ADHD may drift off during conversations, get distracted by surroundings, or struggle to maintain focus. This inattentiveness is one of three ADHD types: inattentive, hyperactive-impulsive, or combined.
3. Executive Functioning Difficulties
Challenges with time management, organisation, and getting started on tasks are signs of executive dysfunction. Some people experience this along with hyperactivity, forming the combined type.
4. Struggling to Sit Still
Hyperactive-impulsive ADHD can manifest as restlessness, constant motion, or racing thoughts—even if it isn’t outwardly visible.
5. Impulsivity and Interrupting
While spontaneity can be exciting, it can also lead to speaking without thinking, interrupting, or making risky decisions.
6. Hyperfocusing
ADHD can involve periods of intense focus on one subject, with passionate interest that may last weeks or months before shifting to something else entirely.
7. Communication Difficulties
People with ADHD may speak tangentially, jump between topics, or struggle to sustain attention in long conversations, which can challenge partners seeking deeper dialogue.
8. Intense Emotions
ADHD often comes with strong emotional reactions. Partners may experience sudden anger, frustration, or impulsive responses before reflecting and apologising.
9. Rejection Sensitivity
Known as rejection sensitivity disorder, this makes people highly sensitive to criticism or perceived rejection, requiring patience, compassion, and reassurance from loved ones.
Talking to Your Partner About ADHD
Dr Warlow advises approaching conversations with curiosity and openness.
Emphasise the positives of neurodiversity, and avoid framing ADHD as a weakness. Focus on how behaviours affect daily life, and discuss ways to support each other rather than push for a diagnosis unnecessarily.
Supporting a Partner With ADHD
Practical support can make a real difference. Dr Warlow shared examples from her clinic: a partner buying an alarm for drinking water, managing finances jointly, or handling scheduling to reduce overwhelm.
Working together to play to each other’s strengths—organising tasks, handling school admin, or managing routines—can strengthen the partnership and make daily life smoother.
With understanding, compassion, and a focus on strengths, ADHD can be navigated successfully in a relationship, turning challenges into opportunities for connection and support.