Madonna has revealed for the first time just how deeply she struggled during her painful custody battle over her son, Rocco Ritchie.
In an emotional, wide-ranging podcast interview with Jay Shetty on On Purpose, the Queen of Pop, 67, admitted that at times the stress left her sobbing in her dressing room and even contemplating suicide.
The Custody Battle That Shook Her
The singer’s custody battle with ex-husband Guy Ritchie began in 2016, when Rocco, then 16, chose to leave her during her Rebel Heart Tour and move to London to live with his father.
Madonna, who had primary custody at the time, described the legal struggle as “one of the most painful moments” of her life.
“There were moments in my life I wanted to cut my arms off… I actually contemplated suicide,” she said.
“Someone trying to take my child away from me was like, they might as well just kill me. I would just be lying on the floor of my dressing room sobbing.
I really thought it was the end of the world.”
Finding Healing Through Spirituality
Madonna credited her spiritual journey with helping her navigate these dark times.
Today, she says she is on good terms with her son and grateful for the support she found through her faith.
“Thank God I don’t feel that way anymore… I really thought it was the end of the world. So, thank God I had a spiritual life,” she said.
Family, Forgiveness, and Loss
The star also reflected on her complicated relationship with her late brother, Christopher, who passed away in June 2024 after battling throat cancer.
Madonna admitted that rebuilding their bond after years of estrangement was a heavy but transformative experience.
“For my brother, I didn’t speak to him for three years,” she explained.
“It was him being ill and reaching out… having that moment to say, ‘Am I gonna help my enemy?’ And I just did.
Holding his hand, saying ‘I love you and I forgive you’—it was such a load off my back.”
Embracing Kabbalah and Spiritual Wisdom
Madonna also discussed how discovering Kabbalah in 1996 helped her align intention with purpose and gave her tools to navigate life beyond the spotlight.
She recently launched The Mystical Studies of the Zohar, a course with Kabbalah teacher Eitan Yardeni, highlighting how spirituality sustains her not during moments of triumph, but in times of hardship.
“You need to be spiritual to be successful,” she said. “Success is having a spiritual life, period.
When you’re in a dark room, you turn on the light. Spiritual wisdom is most helpful when you’re challenged.”
Turning Pain into Purpose
Through her experiences, Madonna emphasized the power of radical acceptance and humility.
She encouraged listeners to embrace challenges as opportunities to reveal their inner light.
“The greatest amount of light is where there’s darkness,” she said.
“Accept that what is happening to you is meant to happen to you—and you’re going to be okay.”
About Kabbalah
Kabbalah is a Jewish mystical tradition that explores the symbolic and esoteric nature of God, creation, and the universe.
Its teachings, including concepts like the Sefirot and the Tree of Life, aim to help followers deepen their understanding of the divine and their relationship with God.
Listen to Madonna’s full interview on the On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast.
If you or someone you know is struggling, help is available. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline on 988. In the U.K., call Samaritans at 116 123, visit samaritans.org, or visit www.thecalmzone.net/get-support.