Madonna has opened up about one of the most painful periods of her life—her bitter custody battle with ex-husband Guy Ritchie over their son Rocco Ritchie.
Speaking candidly in her first podcast interview in nine years on On Purpose with Jay Shetty, the 67-year-old pop icon revealed how the ordeal left her feeling hopeless at times, even contemplating suicide.
Sobbing Through the Tour Amid Legal Struggles
The Queen of Pop recounted the intense emotional toll during her 2016 custody fight when Rocco, then 16, decided to live with his father in London while she was on the Rebel Heart Tour.
“There were moments in my life I wanted to cut my arms off… I actually contemplated suicide,” she admitted.
“I would be lying on the floor of my dressing room sobbing, feeling like it was the end of the world.”
Although her marriage to Guy Ritchie had ended in 2008, Madonna described the custody battle as uniquely devastating.
“Someone trying to take my child away from me was like… they might as well just kill me. That’s really how I was thinking,” she said.
Finding Healing Through Spirituality
Madonna credited her spirituality with helping her navigate the darkest moments.
“Thank God I don’t feel that way anymore… I’m really good friends with my son now. I couldn’t see it back then, but spirituality kept me going,” she explained.
She also highlighted how embracing her spiritual path provided clarity and inner strength beyond her career and public life.
Honoring Her Late Brother Through Forgiveness
The pop star also shared heartfelt reflections on her late brother Christopher, who passed away in June 2024 from throat cancer.
Madonna admitted that holding grudges had weighed heavily on her and that she eventually found peace by forgiving him.
“For my brother, I didn’t speak to him for three years. When he reached out, I had to ask myself, ‘Am I going to help my enemy?’ And I just did,” she said.
Writing a song in tribute to him, she stressed the importance of letting go of resentment. “Holding a grudge… it’s a kind of poison.
Forgiving people you feel closest to is hard, but it’s the only way to lift the weight off your shoulders,” Madonna reflected.
Embracing Kabbalah and Spiritual Studies
Madonna also discussed her discovery of Kabbalah in 1996 and the profound role it has played in her life.
She emphasized that true success comes not from fame or wealth, but from cultivating a spiritual life.
“Success is having a spiritual life, period. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t have one,” she said.
She recently launched The Mystical Studies of the Zohar, a new course with Kabbalah teacher Eitan Yardeni, underscoring her ongoing commitment to exploring spiritual growth and helping others through its teachings.
Finding Light in Life’s Darkness
Throughout the interview, Madonna stressed that spirituality is most vital in times of hardship, not triumph.
“The greatest amount of light is where there’s darkness… when you’re in a dark room, you turn on the light. That’s when you see what you’re truly capable of,” she explained.
She encouraged radical acceptance and humility, reminding listeners that challenges are part of life’s journey.
A Message for Those Struggling
Madonna’s candid discussion also serves as a reminder that even those who seem larger than life face profound struggles.
The podcast concluded with guidance for anyone grappling with mental health challenges.
If you or someone you know is struggling, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline in the US at 988, or Samaritans in the UK at 116 123, or visit www.thecalmzone.net/get-support.