You know how people joke about their wild pasts catching up to them?
I used to assume mine had – that every reckless night and every bad decision had somehow etched itself into my cells.
But recently, I found out that my body had other plans.
For most of my life, I treated myself like a walking experiment in self-destruction.
Booze, drugs, junk food—you name it, I tried it.
So when I agreed to appear on a podcast that tested your biological age, I braced for disaster. What happened instead? It floored me.
Growing Up with a Self-Destruct Button
As a kid, I had a serious sweet tooth—think stolen pick’n’mix from Woolworths kind of craving.
That innocent sugar obsession evolved quickly. At 14, I was already sneaking off to drink cider and vodka with friends behind railway arches.
My first blackout came fast—and so did the second, and third.
By 15, I was burning through a pack of Marlboro Reds a day and regularly smoking weed.
Even amyl nitrate poppers made their way into our GCSE revision breaks.
And in my twenties? Cocaine entered the scene.
I told myself it was just to sober up and keep the party going.
In reality, it wrecked my nasal cartilage and fed into my growing addiction.
Life on the Edge and the Mental Toll
The physical damage was only one side of the story.
Mentally, I was a wreck—crippling depression, eating disorders, suicidal thoughts. I was spiraling, fast.
Eventually, I hit rock bottom. Eight years ago, I landed in rehab.
Finally, I could admit to myself: I was an alcoholic and an addict.
I was lucky to still be alive. Some nights, it was a miracle I woke up at all.
A Podcast That Asked One Very Personal Question
So when a podcast producer asked me to take part in What’s My Age Again?, where guests have their biological age revealed live on air, my first reaction was: Absolutely not.
I didn’t want to hear that my body was biologically 80.
But the old impulsive me still lives somewhere deep inside—and before I could talk myself out of it, I’d already said yes.
Pricking My Finger and Bracing for the Truth
The test they used, called GlycanAge, involved pricking my finger and collecting blood on a card.
This £289 kit measures the inflammation levels in your body through ‘glycans’—tiny sugar chains that tell a story about your health.
The results take weeks. All I could think was, If it comes back under 88, I’ll be amazed.
By the time I showed up at the studio, comedian Katherine Ryan greeted me with what I was sure was a look of pity.
My nerves were shot. Forty minutes into the podcast, she opened the gold envelope and read my result out loud.
Biologically, I was 26.
Wait… What?! Could This Be Real?
I laughed. Hysterically. This had to be a mistake.
Was someone about to burst in and tell me there’d been a mix-up?
Dr Nichola Conlon, a molecular biologist, joined us to explain the science.
And it turns out, the result wasn’t that shocking to her at all.
“You can’t change your chronological age,” she said, “but your cellular age? That can absolutely change.”
The Body Has an Incredible Ability to Heal
According to Dr Conlon, your body wants to heal. It’s designed to bounce back, and with the right lifestyle changes, even years of abuse can be reversed.
That includes telomeres—those protective caps on your DNA.
Cocaine shortens them, but with care, they can actually lengthen again.
And alcohol? Even moderate amounts make your body work overtime to process it, stealing energy from other important repair jobs.
Still, all hope is not lost, especially if you stop.
My Lifestyle Now Looks Nothing Like My Past
Eight years sober, my life today is completely different.
I exercise at least five times a week, run about 100km a month, and do strength training to keep my bones and joints healthy.
I stretch daily, take cold plunges, and unwind in infrared saunas.
I’ve never felt stronger—or happier.
Before the podcast, I filled out a lifestyle questionnaire. Dr Conlon told me it all added up: this is exactly the kind of routine that reverses biological ageing.
I Still Have Curves, but I’ve Never Been Healthier
Now here’s the part trolls won’t believe: I’m officially classed as obese with a BMI of around 15 stone.
But I’m healthier in this body than I ever was in my skinny, cocaine-fueled twenties.
Back then, I lived on Quavers and stimulants.
Now, I eat real food—three solid meals a day, full of carbs to fuel workouts—and I don’t deprive myself of treats.
Deprivation always led me down a dangerous path.
Turns out, it’s not the food type but body fat percentage that affects biological age.
Even a small reduction in fat can help—no starvation required.
Supplements, Sleep, and a 9:30pm Bedtime
My bedtime routine is more grandma than party girl—9:30pm with a book, not a phone.
I meditate, attend 12-step meetings, get regular massages, and take omega-3s and vitamin D—both of which help rejuvenate cells.
I’m also on HRT, which Dr Conlon says reverses age-related changes in every cell thanks to estrogen.
From Wreckage to Renewal: A Journey I’m Still on
At the end of our chat, I got emotional. It’s easy to cling to the idea that I’m still the reckless addict who didn’t care if she lived or died.
But my test results proved otherwise.
I’ve worked hard to rebuild myself. And now I have proof—not just that it’s possible to heal, but that I’ve already come a long way.
So as I near my 45th birthday, I’ll eat that cake with joy.
Because weirdly enough, I’m not getting older—I’m getting younger.