If you ever wondered how Donald Trump might react to a session of the British House of Commons, you can imagine his surprise — or maybe his frustration.
The fiery language and fierce debates there might just rival some epic Anglo-Saxon poetry, like Beowulf.
Recently, Trump stirred things up himself by dropping the F-bomb in front of White House reporters when talking about the tense relationship between Israel and Iran.
“We basically have two countries that have been fighting so long and so hard that they don’t know what the f*** they’re doing,” he said, making sure the journalists understood his point loud and clear.
Trump’s Trip to NATO and Britain’s Preparations
At the time, Trump was heading to the NATO summit in the Netherlands, where he was expected to meet leaders like Sir Keir Starmer and Emmanuel Macron.
You can bet NATO’s official interpreters were brushing up on how to translate “f***” into Hungarian, Latvian, Icelandic, and other member-state languages — just in case Trump decided to repeat himself.
Meanwhile, with a Trump state visit to the UK rumored to be on the horizon, Buckingham Palace was reportedly stocking up on smelling salts to handle any surprises during his speech at the upcoming white-tie banquet.
There was even some debate among courtiers about who should sit next to him — some thought Princess Anne might be the perfect match to counterbalance his fiery style, with Lady Susan Hussey waiting in the wings.
David Lammy’s ‘China Audit’ and Political Sparring
Back in the Commons, Labour MP David Lammy was making waves with a statement about the government’s so-called ‘China Audit.’
The gist? After a year of pondering the UK’s approach to Beijing, the government’s response was… classified.
Lammy explained that the details were top secret, so only privy counsellors and certain MPs could see them.
He joked that anyone else who learned the contents might have to be “killed with an exploding cigar.”
Lammy spent much of his speech criticizing past Conservative governments for being inconsistent with China — some too tough, others too soft.
The message from Labour was that they would do things differently: both tough and soft at the same time, apparently.
Heated Debates and the ‘Mega-Embassy’
Sir Iain Duncan Smith didn’t hold back either, launching a fierce attack on China, which sparked more chatter among MPs.
The controversial plan for Beijing to open a giant new embassy in London — dubbed the ‘super-embassy’ or ‘mega-embassy’ — was a hot topic, though Lammy stayed mostly quiet on that.
The verbal sparring continued when Nick Timothy, a Conservative MP, pushed back hard against Lammy, leading to a back-and-forth that looked like two sides stuck in a never-ending fight, “so long and so hard they no longer knew what they were doing.”
National Security Strategy Gets the Droning Treatment
The House also heard about the government’s new national security strategy, delivered by Cabinet Office minister Pat McFadden, who some described as a “punctured bagpipe” — not exactly a crowd-pleaser.
His speech was packed with buzzwords and lofty phrases about “strength abroad,” “refreshing alliances,” “deepening resilience,” and “whole-system approaches.”
The big headline was that 5 percent of the UK’s national wealth would be devoted to “national security.”
But that didn’t just mean defense and military stuff — it also included things like telephone lines under a vague category called “broader resilience.”
Some suspected this might let the government fudge its spending numbers a bit.
Commons Members Keep Busy Amid the Droning
While McFadden went on and on, a couple of his colleagues, including Minister Ellie Reeves and whip McCluskey, casually chewed gum.
Meanwhile, Labour’s Dame Emily Thornberry briefly left the chamber, only to return moments later with a drink and a handful of what looked like chocolate drops — or possibly something less appetizing — which she promptly ate.
A Session Full of Politics, Wit, and Surprises
From Trump’s salty language and NATO drama to secretive China audits and lengthy security speeches, the House of Commons continues to deliver plenty of entertainment — whether you’re watching for the policy or just the characters.