Let’s say your partner comes back from a trip with something completely unexpected — a new tattoo, a bold haircut, or, in this case, a body piercing. You’re surprised. Maybe even a little shocked.
But what happens when that change makes you uncomfortable, especially if it clashes with your personal taste?
That’s exactly what one boyfriend is grappling with after his girlfriend returned from a wild weekend with some very visible, and very permanent, new jewelry.
A Surprise She Didn’t Mention
After a year of a happy, loving relationship, everything seemed to be going great.
The couple shared strong feelings, and he admired her natural beauty — flaws and all. He also knew she had been dealing with body image insecurities, and he loved her deeply for being open about them.
But then came a bachelorette weekend in Miami with her college crew.
Think late nights, lots of drinks, and wild dares. That’s where the surprise came in — she got her nipples pierced, joining her equally bold friends in the moment.
When she returned and told him about it, his reaction wasn’t exactly supportive. He was angry.
Not just because she went through with something so bold, but because she didn’t talk to him about it beforehand. In his eyes, this was the kind of decision couples should make together.
The “Ick” Factor
What made things worse for him? He admitted that he simply doesn’t like the piercing.
He thinks it looks “tacky,” especially because it shows through her clothes since she often goes braless.
He’s embarrassed by the attention she might be getting in public and even more uncomfortable in intimate moments.
He’s torn between his personal reaction and the guilt of knowing she feels more confident because of the piercing.
It’s clear it gave her a much-needed boost in her self-esteem, something she’s struggled with for a long time.
Now, he’s wondering: Is it okay to ask her to remove it?
Jane’s Take: Her Body, Her Choice
First off, Jane points out something vital: bodily autonomy doesn’t go away in a relationship.
Just because someone is your partner doesn’t mean they need your permission to change something about themselves.
She compares it to a time she wanted a tattoo.
Her husband hated the idea, so she didn’t tell him until after she got it.
Sometimes people hold back because they already know their partner won’t approve — and they want to avoid a conflict over a personal choice.
Communication Still Matters
Even if she didn’t owe him a “permission slip,” that doesn’t mean communication isn’t important.
In healthy relationships, big choices like piercings or tattoos usually come up in conversation — not because anyone needs approval, but because it’s about respect and openness.
Still, Jane acknowledges that this happened during a drunken group decision — hardly the ideal time for a thoughtful discussion.
When Attraction Turns Into Aversion
Then there’s the dreaded “ick.” Once you start to feel grossed out by something your partner does or wears, it can be hard to shake it.
But Jane suggests something powerful: talk about it.
Sometimes just saying out loud what’s bothering you can lessen the feeling.
Being honest with your partner about your reaction could actually lead to a meaningful, even healing, conversation.
So, What Should He Do?
Jane’s advice is this: Have the talk. Be honest, but gentle. Share your feelings without demanding change. You both deserve to feel seen and heard.
If your girlfriend loves her piercing and sees it as a symbol of her confidence, she might choose to keep it.
If that’s something you truly can’t get past, then it might be time to reflect on whether this relationship still fits.
That’s not about being controlling — it’s about compatibility.
When a Fantasy Takes Over
Now, switching gears, let’s talk about another letter — one from a husband who’s dealing with a very different kind of surprise: his wife drunkenly kissed another woman.
Instead of feeling betrayed, though, he was really turned on.
Especially since the other woman was someone he’d already found attractive.
He didn’t say anything at first, but later, after a few drinks, he asked his wife if that friend might be interested in a threesome.
Her answer? A hard no.
The Fantasy That Won’t Quit
Even after she shut it down, he couldn’t stop fantasizing about it.
In fact, now he finds himself distracted during sex, imagining his wife and her friend together.
Now he’s stuck: Is this harmless fantasy? Or is it becoming a problem?
Jane’s Advice: It’s Okay to Fantasize — Just Respect the Boundaries
Jane reassures him that fantasies are totally normal.
We all have them, and they can actually bring some spice into our sex lives.
But here’s the catch: Not every fantasy needs to be acted on.
Just because you’re into the idea doesn’t mean your partner is — and pushing for it could create discomfort or even resentment.
Instead of asking for a threesome again, Jane suggests simply sharing your thoughts in a playful, honest way. Let your wife know how much that kiss turned you on.
She may not want to involve a third person, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the fantasy together.
The Takeaway: Acceptance, Not Alteration
To wrap things up, Jane reminds us of a play titled “I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change.”
It’s a tongue-in-cheek commentary on how we often fall in love with people — then try to mold them into our ideal version.
Real love means accepting your partner as they are, not as you wish they would be.
Whether it’s a body piercing or a past kiss, relationships thrive when built on mutual respect, honesty, and a little room for fantasy.
