By Sunday afternoon at Adelaide Oval, the Ashes were no longer a contest but a formality.
Eleven days of hard, often one-sided cricket have been enough for Australia to keep hold of the urn, sealing matters with an 82-run win that pushed the series to an unreachable 3–0.
When Josh Tongue feathered Scott Boland to Marnus Labuschagne in the slips just after lunchtime, it felt less like a dramatic finale and more like the inevitable last line in a story already written.
England Tease Hope Before Reality Bites
To England’s credit, they did not simply roll over.
The final morning briefly flickered with the sort of belief that fuels Ashes folklore.
A target of 435 is the stuff of fantasy, yet for a while it didn’t seem completely absurd.
Jamie Smith played as though the numbers didn’t matter, Will Jacks dug in with stubborn resolve, and Brydon Carse swung freely, unbeaten at the end.
But every time England threatened to turn fantasy into possibility, Australia found a way to stamp it out.
Labuschagne’s Slips Become England’s Nightmare
If England supporters see Marnus Labuschagne in their sleep this winter, it will be with good reason.
Time and again, just as momentum twitched England’s way, the ball found its way into his hands at slip.
Reliable, sharp, relentless — Labuschagne became the silent executioner, ending each flicker of hope before it could grow into something dangerous.
Bazball: Loved, Loathed and Loudly Debated
Jamie Smith’s innings summed up the complicated relationship England fans now have with Bazball.
His explosive 60 injected belief and briefly rattled Australian minds.
Praise poured in. Excitement grew.
Then, playing the same aggressive shots that had revived England’s chase, Smith mistimed one and perished.
In an instant, admiration turned to mockery.
The contradiction is stark: many fans celebrate daring when it works, but recoil when it doesn’t.
This series has underlined a truth England may not want to hear — plenty would rather lose cautiously than risk losing boldly.
Lyon Falls, But England Can’t Cash In
Australia even lost their master-spinner.
Nathan Lyon’s morning ended abruptly after a full-stretch dive to fine leg left him clutching his hamstring.
He was gone almost as soon as play began.
In another series, that might have been a turning point. Here, it barely registered.
England simply hadn’t done enough earlier to take advantage of Australian misfortune when it finally arrived.
Gloomy Skies Match a Gloomy Tour
The day itself seemed to conspire against England.
It was so dark at 10am that floodlights were needed almost immediately.
The Barmy Army responded with gallows humour, belting out Singin’ in the Rain before the weather obliged and forced a brief stoppage.
The cheers that greeted the rain said it all.
When play resumed 40 minutes later, so did Australia’s grip on the match.
No Miracles on Offer in Adelaide
An hour before play, St Peter’s Cathedral was calm and reverent, its choir rehearsing for the Eucharist.
History tells of England cricketers seeking divine help during Ashes tours gone wrong.
If anyone from Ben Stokes’ side slipped in for one last prayer, they did so unseen.
There would be no heavenly intervention this time.
Fine Dining Amid the Pain of Defeat
If England were outclassed on the field, Adelaide Oval at least offered consolation off it.
The food put Brisbane’s Gabba firmly in the shade.
Sushi proved popular, lobster rolls tempted many, and even traditional fish and chips came at a reasonable price.
For England fans, it was one of the few clear wins of the tour so far.
Songs Without Conditions From the Barmy Army
As the final wicket fell and Australia celebrated another two years with the urn, England’s players wandered toward the hill at the Cathedral End.
There, the Barmy Army were still singing, still cheering, still backing their team without hesitation.
Defeat had not dulled the noise or the loyalty.
In many sports, support fractures under repeated disappointment. Here, it only seems to grow louder.
Dead Rubbers, Live Questions Ahead
With Melbourne and Sydney still to come, the cricket may drift into irrelevance, but the conversations will not.
Attention now turns to Brendon McCullum, Rob Key, and the future direction of England’s Test team.
The Ashes are gone. What happens next may matter just as much.
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