From the outside, Nicola Bonn’s life looked picture-perfect.
A 15-year career in radio with shows on Heart and Classic FM, a successful beauty podcast, a loving marriage, and two children aged 9 and 11.
She appeared bubbly, confident, and ambitious—but behind that smile, she was battling anxiety that at times became utterly crippling.
The Roots of a Lifelong Battle
Nicola’s anxiety wasn’t new. She has faced it on and off since childhood, partly due to genetics, with other women in her family struggling similarly.
But a particularly frightening incident as a child, when she felt trapped in a dangerous situation, left a lasting imprint.
This fear extended to places where escape felt impossible—school assemblies, lifts, planes.
As she grew older, the anxiety came and went. During her A-levels, a terrifying panic attack left her feeling detached from her own body.
In her 20s, antidepressants helped manage the condition—until the Covid pandemic reignited it with intensity.
The constant worry for her family’s safety and the high levels of stress left her tense, almost buzzing with nervous energy.
Panic Strikes in Everyday Life
After the pandemic, the anxiety reached a peak. One shopping trip with her mum to John Lewis triggered a severe panic attack: her jaw was clenched, hearing muffled, and the sensation left her frozen and terrified.
A few months later, another attack hit while relaxing with a friend, leaving her shaking, unable to walk off the panic, and reliant on her friend’s husband to drive her home.
These episodes marked the start of a full-blown anxiety disorder.
Living with Disassociation
One of Nicola’s main symptoms was dissociation—the unsettling feeling of floating above your own body as stress overwhelms your mind.
But anxiety also physically manifested: dizziness, nausea, loss of appetite, missed periods, and weight loss.
Even the simplest tasks, like sitting down for dinner with her children, became daunting.
Work—recording her podcast from home—was one of the few places she felt safe.
The Impact on Family Life
At 41, with children aged eight and six, Nicola felt immense guilt.
Anxiety forced her inward, making her feel disconnected from her family.
There were moments when she couldn’t leave her room or eat with her children, consumed by fear.
Yet small acts of love from her kids, like writing “Get well soon Mummy” on plasters, reminded her she wasn’t alone.
Her partner, sister, mother, and best friend provided crucial support.
Seeking Help and Finding a Path Forward
Recovery began when Nicola acknowledged she deserved help.
Finding the right psychiatrist for medication and a psychologist to navigate her thoughts was crucial.
Equally transformative was advice from anxiety expert Joshua Fletcher, “Anxiety Josh,” who appeared on her podcast.
He taught her that avoidance shrinks your world, and the only way out is through—by facing the fear rather than fleeing from it.
Small Steps, Big Wins
Nicola’s first breakthrough came with small steps: sitting down for dinner with her children, tolerating the discomfort, and gradually building confidence.
Mornings began with running, giving her a sense of control and a safe space to manage racing thoughts.
The ultimate milestone came when she took a Tube journey with Josh—an experience that marked a powerful turning point in her recovery.
Redefining Strength and Living with Anxiety
Through therapy, consistent practice, and support, Nicola learned that anxiety isn’t a reflection of weakness—it’s the brain’s misfiring attempt to protect itself.
Now 45, she understands that complete freedom from anxiety is unrealistic, but managing it is possible.
She has learned to put anxiety back in its box and not let it define her life, even amid the challenges of midlife, perimenopause, and parenting.
Embracing Life and Sharing the Journey
Nicola continues to share her experiences through her podcast, Outspoken Beauty, encouraging listeners to recognize that struggling with anxiety doesn’t make you broken.
It simply means you’re human—and with support, patience, and courage, it’s possible to reclaim your life.