There’s still a massive misconception floating around—that women would never pay for sex because, well, they could just get it for free.
But the reality? A lot more complex and personal than most people imagine.
Some women are simply looking for pleasure without emotional baggage.
Others want to reclaim a sense of sexual agency after years of disappointing relationships—or want to avoid the minefield of dating apps altogether.
And for a few, it’s about curiosity, control, or even social optics.
When writer Tracey Cox opened up the discussion and asked women to share if they’d ever paid for sex, the responses were surprisingly candid.
Here’s what three women revealed about their personal reasons—and experiences—with hiring male escorts.
“Paying for Sex Feels More Respectful to My Husband—Because I’m in Control”
Sophia, 41, married, one child
Sophia never imagined she’d become someone who pays for sex.
But six years ago, her demanding job began taking her across the country—and away from home for long stretches.
“I’m a businesswoman with a lot on my plate. I love my husband, and we still have a good sex life when I’m home,” she said.
“But when I’m away, I need sex the same way some people need a massage or a run to de-stress.”
Initially, it was a fellow female executive who introduced her to the idea.
They bonded over how isolating their high-powered lives could be.
“The control factor really appealed to me.
I wasn’t looking for romance or a replacement for my husband. Just good, uncomplicated sex.”
The escort agency she uses is pricey but professional. She gets to choose someone who’s attractive, smart, and knows what they’re doing in bed.
“I always give instructions—oral, me on top, toys. I want a partner who listens and adapts.”
There’s also a strict rule: never the same man twice. “I started to get hooked on one guy who gave me the best oral sex of my life.
But that felt dangerous, like it might turn emotional.”
She’s not ashamed. “I use protection, nobody in my personal circle knows, and most importantly—my husband never finds out.
I truly believe it’s a way to protect our marriage.”
“I Missed Wild Sex But Didn’t Want to Risk an Affair with a Stranger”
Diana, 46, married for 18 years
For Diana, paying for sex wasn’t about boredom—it was about longing.
“I love my husband. But he’s not someone I married for sexual chemistry.
He’s a fantastic dad, a great partner, but I missed the passion I had when I was single.”
She didn’t want to cheat emotionally. And casual hook-ups felt risky, messy, and unpredictable.
“Paying for an escort felt like hiring a professional trainer.
It was a service. I got to choose the experience and knew exactly what I was getting.”
The entire setup cost her £250 and involved a video call first to confirm he looked like his photos.
“I booked a hotel for the day, met him at 11am, and was home before dinner.”
The experience itself was empowering and erotic.
“I didn’t have to pretend I was enjoying anything I wasn’t. I directed everything.
I felt like I was in control—and that part turned me on.”
But there was a downside. “I could tell he’d taken Viagra—his energy was almost too professional.
I kept wondering if he was faking the desire, the same way men probably do when they hire escorts.”
Afterward, she felt conflicted. “Physically, it was great. Emotionally, I felt off.
I was raised to believe women don’t do this—and yet, I had.”
She hasn’t done it since. “I confided in one friend who was stunned.
I still don’t know if I’d recommend it. It was safe and satisfying… but left me feeling guilty.”
“I Hired a Male Escort Just to Impress People at My School Reunion”
Holly, 36, in a relationship, one daughter
For Holly, sex wasn’t even the goal. Image was.
“I had a high school reunion coming up and didn’t want to walk in single while everyone else was showing off their perfect lives and wedding rings.
I was casually dating someone, but he wasn’t ‘bring-to-a-reunion’ material.”
Her best friend half-jokingly suggested she rent a date.
“We laughed at first but ended up browsing escort websites for fun—and it didn’t seem so far-fetched after that.”
She found a guy named Kieren who described himself as charming, adaptable, and confident.
After a quick Zoom call to confirm he looked like his photos, Holly booked him for the night—for £250.
They rehearsed a fake backstory: they’d met in a bar two months ago, and things were going well.
“He showed up looking great, held my hand, and we walked in like a couple. It worked. I felt seen. I felt like I belonged.”
But later that night, things got blurry.
They kissed in the cab. He kissed her back. She brought him home.
“We started messing around and then he said, ‘You know this is extra, right?’ It hit me like a brick. I thought the flirty vibe was real.”
They had sex—but the magic vanished. “It only lasted about 20 minutes, and I had no idea how much it cost.
I ended up paying £500 for the whole evening. I felt embarrassed and stupid.”
Now, she’s in a happy relationship with a daughter.
“I’m determined my daughter never feels ashamed about being single. Men aren’t judged for it—why should women be?”
Reclaiming Desire Without Judgment
These stories all come back to one theme: control. These women weren’t lost, lonely, or desperate.
They were taking their sexual lives into their own hands—sometimes for pleasure, sometimes for power, sometimes just to show face.
The takeaway? Maybe we should stop judging women for paying for sex—and start asking why they feel they need to in the first place.
Visit traceycox.com to explore Tracey’s books, products, and her podcast that dives into topics just like this.